Six months LIVING with MBC

A few months ago a girl I learned of (my age, also with MBC) posted a badge she was wearing at a conference “Living WITH, not dying from”.

I knew the second I read that, a new way of living with MBC was possible if I could mentally get there. Today marks 6 months since I walked to my ER during work and learned my inability to breathe was due to a collapsed lung from metastatic cancer. I would be lying to you if I didn’t say I have been working towards 100% believing “living with not dying from” since the day I saw that post.

Since my last post I have had numerous sets of blood work and my body is tolerating Lynparza. My white blood cells are even almost back in the normal range, my main side effects a little bit of GERD and tiredness but both manageable. I have also started monthly Xgeva shots (strengthens bones) and quarterly Lupron shots (decreases estrogen levels since that helps feed my specific cancer). I am happy to report they all have manageable side effect profiles and for that we are so blessed. But, over the last couple of months I have realized how I am running a never ending marathon truly. A slight bump or increase in redness at my previous tumor site? Instant fear, panic and mind swirling to wondering if any of my meds are working even though I feel physically great. A slight increase or decrease in a basic lab value? Instant racking of my brain thinking back to countless pharmacy school lectures on what that could mean. Overall my take on the last six months is metastatic breast cancer is a even more tough mentally than it is physically, and physically I have been absolutely wrecked from it.

So what do you do? You wake up, put your feet on the floor and immediately pray to God for strength to beat out the fear for today. God let me enjoy every moment of today and be thankful for the health of the day ahead of me, please help me focus on today and not tomorrow.

The funny thing is, why wasn’t that always my morning prayer? We are told over and over in the Bible to give God our burdens, to not worry of tomorrow, to be strong, bold, and courageous because he is our God. I am living it daily in a whole new way. While I wouldn’t have necessarily signed up for this, I do see the blessing in it. If I wasnt pushed to think about my own humanity every single morning, I would continue to move through life accomplishing all I could believing that I was doing a great job - mostly on my own. I would have completely missed the bigger picture completely. Every moment of breathe is a gift, one which I so much so took for granted.

My next set of pet scans is scheduled for May 5th. I’ll start the day early with scans, get my 2 shots and see my oncologist. Since end of January I have worked hard and cut out additional sugars in my diet and eating almost only Whole Foods. But, if that scan reads stable or even better, no evidence of active disease, you better believe I’ll be celebrating Cinco de Mayo with a marg! 😂

Until then I plan to keep eating well, back to working out daily (THANK GOD), running a 5K on Earth Day, return to work full time, watching the MOST baseball I can, and of course continuing to learn how to be the best mommy I can be! I am also excited to share in October this year I have taken on being the State Captain for the Stage IV stampede for Metavivor to work on funding and needs for metastatic cancer. I just recently did legislative days with Florida Breast Cancer Foundation and it reminded me of how much I love speaking with legislators.

I will also continue daily studies of the Bible with proverbs31 (really great app you should try it!) and deep studies with lifeway women. I just finished a 6 week study of Elijah and learned so much about God and who I am through him. Next up is a 9 week study of Romans, which day 1 was yesterday and it is already blowing my mind how God can use someone like Paul for his kingdom.

All in all, I’m just living my normal life with metastatic breast cancer and I pray often that it continues this way for a very long time. Thank you to everyone that continues to pray for us, and think of us often, we cant explain how much it means in words!

Here are some really cute pictures of our little miracle now 2 months old before you go, until next time!