Hi there! I hope this finds you well and leading into a blessed and exciting Easter weekend with loved ones.
I feel called to share my heart tonight as I reflect on tomorrow and all that it means. Good Friday.
The day that Jesus carried his own cross. Once at the site for crucifixion he tastes wine and decides he won't have anymore, I am not a Bible scholar but I assume so that the suffering and pain is not numbed. A rebel on his right, and one on his left, 3 nails to hang with a sign that says "THIS IS JESUS, THE KING OF THE JEWS" above his head. After hours of darkness he exclaims "Eli Eli lema sabachthan, My God My God why have you forsaken me?" After a sip of water and crying out in a loud voice - he gave up his spirit, and the temple tore into two. And at that moment, your sin and my sin was forgiven. God opening his loving arms to welcome us into a relationship with him through his son, Jesus through his great mercy knowing without Jesus we would never be righteous and get to him alone.
I don't think it's a coincidence that my first pet scan since starting Lynparza (daily oncology targeted therapy) is tomorrow morning, on Good Friday.
About 6 weeks ago I noticed a bump on my sternum. I waited a few weeks to see if it got larger or hurt etc. and it didn't but it never went away. So I reached out to my oncologist who said to schedule a pet scan since it is concerning for progression. Not the words we want to hear ever, and def not only 2 months after ending chemo. She said to come in the next week for a pet scan, but I was unable to get on the schedule until Good Friday morning.
The bump looks the same, and physically I am in probably the best shape of my life even with side effects from Lynparza. I have recovered from my c section and back to working out every day and running. My lungs feel normal again, and due to my strict diet change I made of no sugar or dairy since January I also feel healthier than ever before. But every small ache, stuffy nose, upset stomach can easily cause panic. I am learning how to navigate that in this new MBC season.
While my original pet scan was scheduled for May 5, and I would prefer to have 0 issues and no need for anything sooner. I am so thankful for an oncology team that hears my concerns and wants to check me out sooner than later.
Tomorrow, is about so much more than me. And guess what? It's hard and I battle anxiety daily with God sitting right beside me. But today all I hear is I love you so much, follow me. I know I'll feel his presence in the hour waiting for the IV glucose to move around my body, and the 20ish minutes in the machine. He has yet to leave me alone through any part of my battle with cancer the last four years.
Through lent season I gave up social media. I know everyone hates it because it means no Lyla posts - sorry!! But I have used that time to create space for prayer, and Bible study. I can say without it I am not sure I would be able to go to function in a "normal" life. I feel so filled with Gods word it is nearly impossible to come up with a human emotion I can't battle with scripture. What a gift that is!
God loves me so much, and he loves you that much As well - that he sent his son to die for us. Tomorrow I will be focusing on that, while praying for a stable, or dare I say miraculous pet scan. But no matter what the results are I know whose I am and that I am never alone.
Side note my husband is an angel and continues to be such a loving supporter through all the things, and I might have given birth to the cutest baby on Earth
As always I am so thankful for the prayers from friends and family near and far. Thank you for always keeping me fueled to make sure I have my priorities right. Which I have finally seemed to straighten out. I want to make heaven crowded.
If you don't know Jesus and need a Bible or want to know first steps in a relationship with him I would love to give you resources so just let me know!
Until next time - I'll be THRIVING as I jump into all these new seasons of MBC and being a working momma! Love you all!
(Special thank you to Aunt Tee Tee for the video and the warm conversations about who our God is in our house ❤️)